Gentleman Caller

I was sitting with my door shut, working through a memo, my concentration broke when a knock came and there stood Lucy, her match silk pants and top combo, with her amazing blue and purple eyeshadow that had been carefully picked out to coordinate with her silk outfit.

She smiled, showing her perfect white teeth, and her contagious laugh came out of her mouth before she could even begin to speak. I had no idea what she was about to say or do, she always took me by surprise. She closed the door behind her, and sat down.

I swiveled my chair around to face her, I knew I couldn’t tell her I was in the middle of something, and I couldn’t talk to her, but she demanded attention to those she wanted it from.

She began with a little giggle “so it seems you have a little admirer..”

I looked at her and laughed “where are you going with this Lucy.”

She batted her eyes and looked at me like a wild Aunty┬áMame would “Darling, there is a gentleman caller who works in legal who is so smitten with you, you just need to hop in the sack with him.”

I had nothing to choke on, but somehow I was choking, and was blindsided by the comment. First, who calls them gentleman callers anymore, except for this 65 year old woman (who is now well inter her 70’s), I couldn’t even talk, it was just one of those crazy moments that came out of no where.

She kept going “well, I saw the way he was looking at you at the meeting, he is beyond smitten, and if you even glimpsed at him to let him know you were interested, things would happen.”

I looked at her, realizing this was not a conversation I really wanted to have “You do realize I am engaged and very much in love, don’t you?”

She looked at me in all seriousness and matter of factly said “well, that is just nonsense, you should be out there enjoying yourself with as many men as you want, don’t tie yourself down to one man, before you know it, you will be married, with children.”

She kept on laughing, as she slowly got up from the chair. I laughed back and said “well, I will take that into consideration.”

She opened the door, and was gone in an instant. As usual, I shook my head, and got back to work.

To her dismay, I got married and had children, and lived happily without the torrid affairs she wished for me.

Have a great day,

Dip Kid

Diaper Bum

saggy pants

My hours were pretty long, I woke up at 5:30 to head to the gym, workout, get ready at the gym, and head to the office for 12 hours. I had perfected putting on makeup and doing my hair in short order in the corner of the bathroom at the gym.

I didn’t notice much around me, for a year, I had the same small rotation of clothes, I didn’t exactly have time to shop, nor did I notice my wardrobe. My husband, then live in boyfriend, never really noticed either, but we were in the same boat, starting out, and working hard.

One day as I walked into the bathroom, one of my favourite women was standing there staring at me. You might have read about her, Lucy (check out the other post here). She stared at me, I smiled said hello, did my business and came back out to wash my hands. She was waiting, staring at me.

Lucy “hon, when was the last time you saw yourself from behind?”

Me “What? Probably never.”

Lucy “Sweetie, you have lost so much weight that now you have diaper bum. You are starting to look like a sad white girl rapper.”

I hadn’t noticed, my pants were 2 sizes too big and were drooping down so badly from behind, it looked like I was wearing a pair of diapers underneath!

I laughed, and told her I had been so nervous this whole year that I hadn’t been eating as much as I should, and that I hadn’t thought about my wardrobe. We had a good chuckle, she told me to go out and buy a couple of suits that fit me.

I came home showed my boyfriend just how saggy my pants were, we couldn’t stop laughing. How did we manage to not notice?! We headed out for an emergency shopping trip, no one needs to walk around with diaper pants on!